Category: Spiritual

Spiritual

The Diversity Panel

Zina Hermez

Flash back to September of 1994. Mr. Pulke knocked on our classroom door, “Can I have a word with Zina?” He asked my teacher, as he briefly interrupted the class.

Sure I had done something wrong, I squirmed in my chair. When a vice-principal came to visit, it usually wasn’t for a good cause. Of course my teacher agreed. Reluctantly, I got out of my desk-chair and approached him at the door. Slowly, I stepped into the hallway to meet him outside. What have I done now?

He leaned forward to reach me at eye level, in his nice distinguished suit. Oh no, I’m in trouble, here it comes. To my surprise, he asked if I would serve on the Multicultural/Multiracial council at school that year, in a kind and gentle tone. It was a diversity panel being implemented for the first time. I wasn’t expecting that. Why would he choose me? I didn’t feel worthy.

“Uhh, yeah, of course Mr. Pulke, thank you!” Excited, I replied.

Following several after-school meetings, a large assembly would be held in our gym with the principals, teachers, students, and the board. The whole school would be there. Unfortunately, I never fulfilled my duty on the council that year; nor did I make it to the assembly.

My accident happened in October of 1994, around a month after we began. I failed them. I’ve held onto guilt for a lot of years. I let down my parents, siblings, the council, and friends. How could I get hurt?

The years have gone by. I’ve learned to make peace. I can’t explain how. It took God’s grace to release me.

Grace tells me everything will be alright. I’m forgiven. I’m free.

Accidents happen. We can’t reverse them. If I could I would. “There are some things that just happen, beyond reasoning, beyond intellect, beyond resolution. Things like calamities, destructions, hurricanes, and disasters. The Bible says rain will fall on the just and unjust. Some stuff just happens to you. Stop trying to rationalize everything.” – Bishop T.D. Jakes, from “Beyond the Blame” www.tdjakes.org

It’s obvious I don’t accept walking with difficulty, it’s something I have to work at constantly. The Bible says “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for, and evidence of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1) If I work hard enough, maybe one day I’ll have my dream.

Have you ever been touched by grace? Has it released you from any pain? Feel free to share with me in the notes.

I wasn’t able to fulfill my duty on the diversity council at school that year. But at thirty-four, God has given me a diversity panel of students of my own.

It’s interesting how that worked out.

 

Spiritual

A lesson and a prayer

Zina Hermez

Michelle Obama said something striking as I watched her speech at the Democratic National Convention the other night. She said, “Barack was never interested in how much money he could make, but in how many lives he could change.” It gave me goose bumps and spoke right to my heart. I admire him for that. She spoke of how he’s the same man now he was when he was poor. When he had a hole in his car picking her up for dates, or when his best shoes were too tight. I thought it was charming. I admired the way she saw the difference in him. I think we all do whether or not we agree with all of his ideals.

Her mentioning our president interested in changing lives resonated with me, because that is what I want to do. I’m here for a certain period. We all are. I want to do something good with it. In life, we never find success without taking chances. I feel I have a purpose here. To help others who’ve had tragedies like me. So I pray for God to lead me, and he does. And for him to guide me, and he does.

Father Dressman asks me to “see this as a gift, if I can offer it for the needs of others” in a prayer he designed for me. “I ask you Lord, to heal my brokenness. I have a body that doesn’t always work right. I know it is your gift to me. So many others have so much less,” he writes.

This sentence is like an oxymoron. How can I see disability as a gift? What is a gift about it? The all too often pain in my right leg? Or the weakness in my trunk? It’s not the occasional questions of “what happened to me.” But the second part is the catch. “If I can offer it for the needs of others.” If good can come out of this, than indeed it is a gift. And a lot of good has. I’m praying for more. I have a desire in my heart. It consumes me. If only people can see how God helped me, brought me through and kept me happy than maybe they can be inspired to get through their injuries too. And as I’m helping them, I’m helping me. And that feels great!

Spiritual

Long Bike Rides — Childhood Reflections

Zina Hermez

I miss the cool summer breeze gently hitting upon my cheeks. Daily I would ride my 10 speed bike after school until the sun went down. Up and down our dead end circle street. Most of my neighbors were indoors for dinner during these times. Often I would hear the sound of clinking silverware through their screen doors. Professionals chattering about their work day as they went to take their dinner seat, alongside their family.

I don’t know what I enjoyed more, the peaceful ride on these summer nights, or observing these upper middle class families. There were lessons to be learned. Their normalcy, I observed. Mr. Kahl, our next door neighbor, spent a lot of time working outside on his yard. With his tools on his belt, he would tirelessly work on his garden, flowers, and cut the grass almost daily. He had a grass greener than any I had ever seen.

Excited, I’d wave my hand from left to right every time I saw him. “Well hello there, Zina,” he would say in a genuine tone. He was one of my favorite neighbors. These opportunities to say hello while neighbors were outside made me wonder what it was like in their house. I wondered if it were anything like mine. Mine was full of the bustling ruckus of older brothers and sisters who argued sometimes. My parents had a big social life, thus, they weren’t always around.

I may have been twelve. I may have been a girl, but I felt this connection to some of my neighbors I could not explain. I especially liked the quietness of those rides, the peace. The silence made it easier to feel the presence of God, and know he was there. For a child, it was the only way to escape on my own little silent retreat. Often he would speak to me in the silences of my heart.

And often I would hear my mother calling from inside, “Zinaaa, what are you doing?” my mom would yell. Frustrated at my long absence, she ordered, “Come in and eat!” I would sigh, as I skipped over the hose on the lawn to stop the running water. I had no choice but to stop watering the bushes and plants and go inside. I suppose I was competing with Mr. Kahl, and trying to make our lawn look as good as his. But no matter how green our grass was, it could never be like his.

The ride on my bicycle was an escape. It’s when I heard from God. “This path would not be easy,” he told me. “But he would never leave me, nor would he forsake me. He would always be with me.” I could always escape, on my own little silent retreat.

Spiritual

Faith can make the impossible possible!

Zina Hermez

“What is one gift that disability, in any way, shape, or form brought into your life?” This is a question I read in a blog post tonight of a friend I once wrote a guest blog for. She writes on having a daughter with Down Syndrome. I couldn’t help but stop when I read this.

Disability has brought a lot of things into my life, most of them unwanted. Pain in my legs, discomfort, weakness, the inability to move, insecurity, loss, exclusion, low self-esteem, rejection, loneliness, to name a few. But as I pondered more upon this, I knew I had many positive answers because I am happy, so there must be gifts.

Disability brought faith into my life. And I learned that faith can make the impossible possible! I have seen it work in my own life. I grew up with a big difference, since my accident happened at sixteen. I overcame a lot. For people twenty-one to sixty-four with no disability, the likelihood of getting a job is 82.1%. For people twenty-one to sixty-four with a severe disability, the likelihood of getting a job drops to 26.1%. Most injuries occur between the ages of sixteen and thirty, when people are at the peak of beginning their careers.

I was sixteen when I was severely injured but at thirty-four, I’m employed. I work as a teacher, and manage my own classrooms. I pay my own bills, and take care of myself. That is a blessing. With this economy, not all able-bodied people are able to do that. I’ve accomplished that through my faith.

Firstly though, I’m walking. I’m walking everywhere with two forearm crutches, and practicing with one cane. I’ve accomplished that through my faith! There are many things I’ve accomplished though my faith. And I have so much of it!

Disability is a condition, it’s not who we are. Diagnosis is a prediction. It doesn’t have to determine our outcome.

Oscar Pistorius holds one of the fastest running times in the 400 meter sprint in the world. He’s a favorite to qualify for the Olympic team for South Africa. The opening ceremony is just 45 days away.

He’s a double leg amputee since childhood, because of a rare condition he was born with. He says, “You are not disabled by the disabilities you have, you are able by the abilities you have.” I can relate to this. Disability made me work harder, disability made me do more. Disability made me more able. Can disability make you more able? I think sometimes it can, if you have something to prove to yourself.

Oscar brings to mind two Bible verses I treasure:

“He makes my feet like the feet of deer…” (Psalm 18:33)

“For by you I can run against a troop, by my God I can leap over a wall.” (Psalm 18:29)

Spiritual

Suffering and Joy are interchangeable!

Zina Hermez

Life is hard enough. Imagine you could not walk? Imagine you could not move? Better yet, don’t imagine. It’s one of the worst things that could happen to you. Don’t imagine. It happened to me. I was hit by a car while crossing the street on my way to school, at only sixteen.

Paralysis is eye opening. Paralysis is real. Paralysis is undesirable, a nightmare to say in the least. I’ve woken up before and thought this was all a dream, more than once. Then I see my crutches on the wall, my wheelchair in the corner–tucked in my closet, as far away as possible. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Well, not really.

There is loss in life. Loss of friendships, relationships, divorce, accidents! Accidents, a Spinal Cord Injury— it can take everything but your life.

I was pretty. I was popular. I returned to school in a wheelchair my senior year. When everyone was excited for prom and spring break, I was learning to be disabled. There are things we live through only by God’s grace. And only God has kept me.

At sixteen I was healing, but how would life be in a wheelchair? Our home was not handicapped accessible.  I knew when the dust settled the visits would lesson. The calls would start to fade. During my stay in the hospital, I would pick up my pencil with a flashlight in the dark at night and write letters addressed to God. I know he heard me.

I finished high school on time, even though I missed most of my junior year. I still made it to prom. My real friends stayed and I made new ones. I learned to drive, went to college, worked, and even walked! I’m walking everywhere with two forearm crutches, and learning how to walk with one cane. I’m still not walking as good as I’d like, but it’s better than using a wheelchair. I still have faith.

Thank God he replaces suffering with joy!

“Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy.” John 16:20

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5