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“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.” –William James

This month will mark nineteen years after my accident in October of 1994. I never mind the anniversary. Just as I never mind birthdays or getting a year older. It’s a celebration; I’m thankful to be alive.

I returned to school in a wheelchair in 1995. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I struggled with low self-esteem because of it. It was also my senior year of high-school.

Keeping a journal became part of my regular nightly routine. It helped me clear my mind. Sort out details. It gave me peace.

I held a flashlight in one hand, and a pencil and pad in the other, with music playing in the background. I would write.

This is a passage I wrote at that time:

“What’s important is self-image. Not whether I am walking or not. I mean…walking is a very admirable and practical goal that I can achieve; however, self-image is what we project of ourselves which comes from within. If we can’t love ourselves on the inside, it doesn’t matter whether we are standing, sitting in a wheelchair, running, or walking, our self-image will be poor and not positive, but negative…”

This is another journal entry I wrote at the time:

“I’ve learned that at times in our lives, things aren’t going to be the way we want them to. We have to just accept it. I have learned to accept life’s burdens. Do as much as you can to get through it, but just accept the burden and try to cherish it because after you get through, you will see how great you feel after you have overcome it.” — April 29th, 1995

Through writing, I was finding peace. I contemplated my future. I often wrote letters addressed to God at night. What would we do? How would we get through? I had suffered this tragedy. I didn’t know how to move forward and pick up the pieces. I needed him to tell me.

Have you ever gone through something tragic?

Here are a few remedies I used, that might be helpful for you. Especially if you’ve suffered a spinal-cord injury, or any other kind of physical challenge.

• Prayer – Can you get better at this? Can you cut out the television or social media for a little while, to spend time with God? Can you turn off the radio on your way to work, and talk with Him?

• Exercise – How can you improve upon in this area? Can you keep a schedule, as if it were a job? If you miss time at work, your job may be in jeopardy. It’s the same with our health. If we don’t exercise, we can risk not feeling as well.

• Determination – is anything bogging you down? Have you lost your zest for life? Examine your thoughts? Are there any defeating ones? Thinking positive thoughts can change your life.

• Outlets – friendship/family – How can you get more support? Are you extending yourself? Try joining a group. A book club. A swim club. Any social activity would help.

The ways examined above are not an extensive list, but just a few ideas to help. They are simply to encourage the mind, and think of ways we can take better care of ourselves.

“There is no education like adversity.”—Benjamin Disraeli

Our fall term began at the Language center on September 4. I had been off for part of the summer. I’m back to teaching English there in the afternoons to early evenings a few times a week. Fall is set to begin on September 22. It’s one of my most favorite times of the year, along with spring.

A few students I’ve had in classes previously are with me again this term. It’s always nice to see familiar faces. It makes me feel at home. My students are for the most part all very friendly to me.

My other job is one to one teaching for a global-language-training company, called Global LT. http://www.global-lt.com/ I teach English to business people, managers, and engineers living in the U.S. They are temporarily here on work assignments with their families. The two part-time jobs make a full time career.

Global LT has contracts with automotive corporations. Most of my students are at the Nissan Technical Center. A division of Nissan North America, it is the Research and Development center in the U.S. There are about 1,000 employees in that building.

I have appointments there almost daily, throughout the week. People sometimes ask if I speak any of my students languages. I don’t. It is not that my students don’t know English. They have traveled and been to other countries. They are just at different levels, some novice, some intermediate, some are advanced.

I can relate to their difficulties. It was not easy for me to get through high-school. Since my accident happened at only sixteen. It was my junior year, October of 1994. It left me paralyzed. At Mott Children’s Hospital, I had to be home-schooled because I was there for nearly three months.

I looked to my faith in God, and prayed during the day. I wrote letters addressed to Him in my journals at night while listening to 10,000 Maniacs, Counting Crows, or Pearl Jam on my head phones. All the while recovering, and doing physical therapy.

I really wanted to get my diploma on time with all of my friends at Harrison High School. Finally, I was able to. I walked with a walker on stage to receive my diploma my senior year. Some in the auditorium stood, some clapped, some cheered.

As a teen, those years were vital for me. To read and study scripture, pray, write and talk to God. I would not have come this far without doing these things. I’ve carried them into my adulthood. I have rejoiced with Him in the good and the bad.

When we are able to do that, when we are able to be happy and sad with God; it is immeasurable.

As I start this term I’m grateful. I have been blessed beyond belief. The Lord is doing great things. I look forward to sharing with you more in the upcoming months. Blissfully, I feel at peace. As it states in Philippians 4:7, “…and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Hello friends.

I hope you had a nice Easter with your family. Easter is one of my favorite holidays. It reminds me of new beginnings, because the Lord rose again to save my life. It’s a precious day, and this year it came at the perfect time. I’ve been stressed. It’s been a little while since I’ve written anything, I apologize.

This past week we had teacher observations. This is where someone from administration comes in to observe your class. It went well, and I got great feedback. Now that it’s over with I’m more relaxed : )

I’ve been thinking…

What if life were a place where we weren’t measured by our performance? Where we were all accepted? Never felt less then or like we had to compete? Where we experienced love, and had no feelings of self-pity or defeat? I try to imagine this, I know it must exist. I think this is what a glimpse of heaven is like.

Teachers work hard, but don’t always gain the proper respect. They sometimes have to deal with smirks and students who behave badly, that sit in the back.

Teachers put in endless hours, but their work and effort go unnoticed sometimes. At the same time they can be loved and adored.

A teacher has to deal with all personalities. She has no choice but to learn every person, to deal with every facet of life.

Whatever your career, I’m sure it’s the same. We all have our challenges, and there are personal ones too. I never wanted to be complacent, meaning, accept my physical challenge as a reason to not extend myself or grow, simply because it’s hard to move.

I read in an article that people who’ve suffered trauma are happier than those who win the lottery. Because they know their power has to come from within. Where the lottery winner believes the money will now bring them happiness; but with time they learn the money didn’t bring them happiness but only comfort, because happiness can only come from within.

Susan Taylor says “Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.” When you’ve gone through something tragic, you can feel a deeper sense of appreciation for life.

Don’t get me wrong. There are days where you will “not feel so high” but resilience is key. It’s if you bounce back. You’re ok as long as you don’t stay stuck in “woe is me.” That pattern is not very healthy.

Every day is a gift. Jesus taught me that. And if I take a look at the suffering I’ve endured, it’s nothing compared to what he went through for me. Every day brings hope and opportunity to heal, love, and experience the beauty of life.

How about you? What have you been through? Have you had a difficult situation that has forced you to grow? Feel free to share your thoughts with me.

“Are you okay?” my student asked concerned.
“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?” I responded in a confused tone but I knew why she asked.
“Oh, it’s just…because you’re sitting today,” she started to stutter as her voice got lower almost not claiming what she just said.
As I rolled my wheelchair to the front of the classroom under my desk I assured her, “Oh, yea, I brought my wheelchair today. I take it out sometimes on bad snow days. I’m fine. It’s okay.” Angelika’s face lit up. That was more important to me than how I felt. Her ease meant more than my unease at that moment. She went to sit in her chair as we prepared to start grammar class.

The way I felt inside was completely opposite. I don’t like taking my wheelchair to work, especially when everyone knows how bad I want to walk. In two years, I can count on my hand how many times I’ve taken it to class. I’m always walking with forearm crutches so when people see me in the wheelchair they get surprised and ask. It’s no big deal. I thank God they care.

In Michigan we’ve had a snowy winter recently. It’s the worst it’s been in a couple of years. While walking in the morning to my car last Thursday, I was unaware my right crutch hit an ice patch. We were having a winter storm that morning. My crutch gave out and my body twisted, I fell to the ground on my right hip. Thankfully, I was okay. My neighbor Jay saw me outside and came out quickly to help. He helped me get off the floor and walked me back inside. I’m the type who likes to think I can do everything anyone else can, but this was a wake-up call for me to take more precaution in the winter. So I’ve been taking the wheelchair out on icy days, even though I don’t like to. I’m just glad I didn’t hurt myself.

Previous to Angelika inquiring, my director asked how I felt several minutes before this. “If I throw my back out and need to bring my cane, it’s the same thing,” she said trying to make me feel better about taking a wheelchair. I appreciate that, but really, it’s not the same. I would much rather walk with one cane than use a wheelchair. For one, it’s much easier to put in and out of the car. My wheelchair is a manual one. I have to stand on my car and pop each wheel off and put them in the back seat, than fold it down and put in the base of the chair. And vice versa, after I arrive to my destination I have to put it back together all over again.

I got my director’s point though, and it was nice she was trying to comfort me in my discomfort. “Oh God, I hope I never see that” I laughed, trying to lighten things up in reference to her cane. I’m more sensitive to people having trouble walking because I’ve had so much.

I’ve been praying. I think this is about acceptance for me. I’ve come really far, maybe not as far as I’d like. But walking with nothing is a big goal considering the injuries I had. I believe it’s possible because with God all things are possible. It’s no fun taking a wheelchair out, but I feel grateful I can put it in and out of the car. I want to start seeing it more the way everyone else does, as okay!

Have you ever felt that? Has it ever been hard to accept something different about you? I’ve never accepted using a wheelchair. I guess that has been my motivation to walk but at the same time I have struggled with acceptance of myself because of it. I know it’s not a part of me. I mean, it’s not a part of my make-up or who I am. But often times I worry others can’t see past it. Or maybe it’s me who can’t. Although I’m not walking as well as I would like, I’ve come far. I’m trying to remind myself of that.

Has anyone ever reacted to your wheelchair, or difference (of any kind) in an interesting way? How did you respond?